The Long Way Home
by Sweet-rush37
Summary: A girl from Woody's past ends up in the mourge, how did she die? was it sucide or accident? and would he be able to handle the truth. FINISHED
1. 10,000 Angels

Title: The long way home

Disclaimer: I do not own Crossing Jordan

It was like any other morning, just a morning with its hazy light and blue sky that seemed refreshed and ready for the new day. September had rolled in with its crisp afternoons and lazy nights that seemed to trip over the afternoon to arrive. This is where he had found himself, pulling up to the touch-me-not cottage in suburb Boston, a house that stood in a line, both of the homes to the left and right looked identical. Woody looked at it and had to laugh, this was the type of thing he was running from when he came to Boston. The two-story home with the white picket fence, He thought it so boring that he was drooling just thinking about it.

Jordan stood out front tapping her foot impatiently; she was never one for patience. He rolled his eyes at her dramatically and smiled as he passed. "It took you long enough." She shot, glaring at him.

"Sorry Jo, I slept in." he smirked innocently.

"Yeah…right, you and bachelorette number three?" she snapped smugly. He only smiled and moved on mysteriously.

"What have we got?" he asked out of habit. She hated that, how he got under her skin like no one else. It had been years, something had past between them, long ago, like they had fallen behind and decided just to give up on the whole issue of 'them' but it had seemed like and undercurrent, it was there, they just couldn't see it.

"Girl, found, fell out of a tree…" She said as he slipped threw the door. An eerie sense that he had been there before crept over him, not the house but the home, the paintings on the wall, the curtains… even the silk roses on the table and the crystal vase looked familiar. The sense of dread began to rise in his throat. Jordan stood next to him, noticing that he had turned two shades of white.

"Woody, you okay?" she asked, concerned

He seemed to shake himself quickly with the sound of her voice. "Yeah… yeah… I'm fine its just…" he couldn't finish his sentence, because… it was her.

"Woody?" Jordan said, her voice thickening with apprehension.

She looked exactly the same, except softer. Her long, auburn hair fallen around her like a halo. Her clothes and face smeared with dirt. Her lips were slightly parted like she was trying to speak to him beyond the grave. "Oh…my…god." He whispered, trying to move, but his feet seemed anchored to the spot on the top of the steps that led down into the lush green lawn where her body lay under the wide expanse of the apple tree. He hadn't even known she was in Boston.

"Woody!" Jordan shouted, starting to feel a little scared, though she wasn't exactly sure why. He looked at her with something approaching dismay. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Instead he turned on his heel and began to walk toward her fast. He wasn't sure how he had found the courage to move, but he muscled it up from somewhere deep inside of him, somewhere he hadn't found the need to draw from in a long time.

He could hear Jordan's footsteps behind him, lighter than his, struggling to keep up. He came to a stop a few feet away from her body, lying limp under the tree staring up at the sapphire sky. He knelt down, not touching her, not saying anything, just staring down at her in something like awe.

"Her name is Annie Cody… she's thirty one, auburn hair, green eyes." He whispered softly to Jordan who still had a look of confusion on her face. He looked back down at the girl he had left Wisconsin for. "I almost married her." He finished with a sigh, standing up and pulling off his gloves. "I shouldn't be here…" he whispered, feeling suddenly tired and alone.

Then as quickly as he came he turned and left, not being able to see her like that, like a body. Jordan still stood in the same spot staring back at him, not being able to say anything. But as he reached the driveway he collapsed on the porch. And he sat cradling his head in his hands.

He wasn't sure how long he was like that, just nursing that feeling he had in the bottom of his stomach. He felt like the world suddenly turned flat, it now seemed too simple, too fair.

"Woody?" he didn't need to turn around to know who it was. She sat down next to him, not sure of what to do.

"Jordan… just leave… please… just, leave." Those words stung, she had known what it was like to find a loved one dead, but she understood the pain, the shock he was feeling and stayed, unmoving.

"Woody, I know right now might not be the best time…" she allowed her voice to trail off when he looked up and stared at her, his blue eyes cutting threw her core.

"Jordan…please leave." He asked in a softer tone than before, but his meaning was clear. Jordan couldn't blame him, she had lead him on for too long, held him at arms length. Now he felt like he couldn't trust her. Still she found herself angry with him, she wasn't entirely sure why.

"Whatever." She whispered with more malice than she had intended, turned and went back inside, leaving Woody alone.

Woody was alone again, with his thoughts, pouring out of his mind like a words from a poets mind. Flashbacks of memories long forgotten, and thousands of regrets, he could never right again.

Why was she in Boston? He thought to himself bitterly, he hadn't known, last he had heard was she had married Paul, her fathers deputy and moved to Milwaukee… then he had heard she had gotten divorced and seemed to fall off the face of the earth.

He rocked back and forth with sickness. Her white skin set off her auburn hair and sightless green hair, could it be that she had been more beautiful in death than in life. Of course, his memory of her was distant and hazy. Nigel and Jordan followed the medic's out as they led the body to the van, he caught sympathetic looks from them both.

She had fallen from a tree? That was a fact, the way her blood was haphazardly spilt in the dust and the way her neck had broken proved it, not to mention she was staring up, not down. But what had possessed her to climb a tree?

Sure, she was reckless in high school always daring him to go with her on a adventure she promised would be the thrill of his life. But she had grown, softer, more mature in her latter years.

He stood, like shaking himself from a dream… he would find out, one way or another. He found his way to his car, and drove away.


	2. drive me home

Chapter 2:

Note: This might take a while in between chapters I have to write this before and after classes. So sorry if it takes a while.

Woody stared down at the stale coffee in front of him. It was silent in the conference room where he sat staring down stubbornly. He had talked Lily into letting him do the notification of her family, she hesitantly handed him over her file.

"Woody, I don't know about this." She had said with a skeptical look, he shrugged in a vain attempt to seem uncaring.

"It would be better if I did it, I've known these people my entire life." Now was the moment of truth and it seemed that he choked, he couldn't call. Her mother was still in Kewaunee, going to bake sales and Friday night football games. Her sister lived in Milwaukee with her husband, and her brother lived in Bay City with his wife and children. He had picked up the phone with a shaky hand, dialed and hung up. Not being able to face the people he had abandoned for Boston. He knew he didn't have a chance with Mrs. Cody, she would tear into him. In a methodical manner he dialed her sisters number tapping his fingers uneasily on the desk.

"Hello…" the woman answered, Woody swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Grace?"

"Woody!" he wasn't sure if she was surprised or angered at his call gradually he eased himself down.

"Yeah, Grace, its me… uh, I'm afraid I have some bad news… Its Annie, um, they found her under a tree, she fell, and um, Grace I'm so sorry she died." He awaited for anything, for a wail, a scream, the sound of tears running down her face, All that came was silence.

After an eternity he heard her voice, small and weak. "Are you sure?" her voice cracked, he could see her almost, huddled by the phone, holding back tears.

"Yeah." He whispered.

"I'll be down." She muttered firmly.

"Grace-"

"I'll be down." She cut in harshly, and the line went dead.

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Grace looked like her sister, shorter, and shorter hair, but the same slim face and fiery colored tresses. She looked at Woody like he was a stranger, and didn't say anything when he passed by. She had arrived at the morgue the next afternoon, in her pink t-shirt and jeans. Woody swallowed something deep inside and turned to speak to her, but she had turned her back on him.

"Grace… I don't know what to say." He said uncomfortably shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He could hear a bitter laugh escape her lips.

"There is nothing you can say."

"How's your mama?" he mumbled, his eyes searching for something to rest on, they found Jordan, Nigel, Bug and Garret standing in the hall watching curiously.

"How do you think she is." She hissed. "She just lost her daughter."

"Grace, I didn't mean it like that and you know it." She whirled around to face him, chuckling indignantly.

"Gee Wood, you almost sound like you care." She turned on her heels and left. It took everything Woody had to move, he didn't want Jordan to see him like that, weak, desperate. He slunk away to sulk by himself.

Now he sat by himself, in a corner booth at the Pouge, hoping no one would find him there. It had been years; he never thought that all these old feelings would be brought up again. He had buried them well, keeping them hidden from Boston and its whiskey eyed medical examiner. She knew nothing of Kewaunee, of his mom and dad, she knew little of Annie and he liked it that way. It was a way to keep it hidden, if he could forget.

But he stumbled upon her, and her apple tree, and the dust that smeared her face. He could remember her voice, and it rang in his ear, over and over, taunting him. He downed the last morsel of the beer in front of him and slammed the glass back down on the table. The table rocked a little, upset by the force.

"Easy there farm boy." A voice said meekly from behind him. "I thought I'd find you here." Jordan sat down next to him, handing him a cold, sweaty beer. He stared at it but didn't take it from her hand; with a shrug she set it in front of him.

"Jordan go away." He snapped, leaning back in his chair. She looked at him challengingly.

"No." she said after a minute, "I'm not leaving." He groaned, picking up the beer and then setting it back down, looking up in disgust.

"Fine." He snapped "I'll leave." He pulled his car keys from his pocket and lurched up.

Jordan beat him to it and yanked the keys from his hand. "You aren't going anywhere." She said proudly, walking away from him.

"Wait… what are you doing with my keys." He said confused, slouching down.

"You are in no shape to drive." She said setting them on the shelf behind the counter. He groaned.

"Jordan don't do this not now, I'm having a very, very bad day… please give them to me. She shook her head obstinately and began taking someone's order at the bar. Slumping in defeat, he slunk out the door, unnoticed or at least he hoped.

Something was wrong, he could feel it, the cold Atlantic wind was bracing and chilly. He stared up at the sky with awe as things replayed in his mind over and over again, he sat down on the curb in a vain attempt to control the vertigo.

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"Woody come on!" Annie shrieked happily from the top of the building, spreading her arms wide and allowing the wind to toss her long, straight hair in every direction.

"Naw, you have fun… I'll stay down here… where its safe." He shook his head and placed himself near the doorway, she frowned and turned away. Climbing up on the railing for a better view of the sunset smeared with color.

"You are such chicken Wood, I can't believe you're afraid of heights."

"I am not afraid, I would just prefer to stay here." He guffawed with a snort, she shook her head affectionately and returned to staring out at the dusty pink sky.

"Chicken." She said with determined tone, but he heard the smile in her voice.

"Well you get off that railing." Woody scolded, "you can't even walk flat footed."

"Yes mother." She muttered belligerently, climbing off the railing and joining him in the doorway. Some part of him couldn't stop staring at her, her and her limestone white skin.

"Annie." He yelled over the shriek of the heaters and fans.

"Yeah?" she shouted back taking a swig from her beer and returning to her lawn chair that was sitting discarded to the corner of the building. "Marry Me."

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Woody lurched up by the sound of Jordan locking up and the crowd that had suddenly formed outside in the cold night air and was dispersing by the second.

"Jordan?" he slurred, "Jordan!" she came out, wrapping her arms against her tight tummy for warmth.

"What?" she asked, "I thought you wanted me to leave?" he looked down at his feet in shame, then looked up at her with unshed tears glistening in his blue eyes. She immediately softened.

"Would it be to much…" he stopped, he looked so small, so unsure of himself, so un-woody like. She raised her eyebrows in silent encouragement. "If you drove me home?" she sighed, he didn't know whether she was angry or not. She disappeared behind the door for a moment then returned to his relief returned with his car keys. Silently they walked together to his car.


	3. Unspoken Words

Ch 3: Words unspoken

Jordan looked around Woody's apartment, how cold it had become, and impersonal, something his apartment had never seemed before. She watched as he slumped into his couch and lay his head in his hands. She wanted to say something, anything to make that look leave his eyes, that look of pure and untarnished grief. She felt a rush of guilt from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. She had pushed him away, and now he didn't trust her. Funny she had always thought she was the one with issues. But now as she watched him unravel she had really begun to notice how close they were, cut from the same cloth.

She looked around the small, studio apartment and saw no pictures on the wall, no sign of childhood memories the only thing that seemed close to letting anyone inside who he was before Boston was the robots that lined his mantle.

"Woody are you okay?" she asked her voice laced with concern, "I mean since Annie Cody came in you've been kind of…" she allowed her voice to trail off when she saw the stunned look upon his face at the sound of Annie's name.

"Annie." He whispered with simple conviction, he opened his mouth like he was going to say more but nothing came out except a bitter chuckle "Annie was…" now was his turn to allow his words to falter.

Jordan sat next to him with a flourish, taking in the warm smell of him so near. She wanted to say something to him, but every time she spoke it seemed like her words escaped her, she found that happening more and more when he came near. She did the only thing she could think of, the one thing she wanted someone to do to her when her mom died. She leaned in and rested her head on his shoulder, totally content with just being there for him.

She could feel him relax against her, as he sighed out in something approaching exhaustion. Everything unspoken between them seemed to well up, bubbling just below the surface of the hard shell they both had tightly locked over them.

"Jordan…" Woody whispered, and all of a sudden it all came rushing back, everything she knew would happen, all the anguish that she had felt in previous relationships, all the fear and disappointment that came with her. It felt like a splash of cold water. She stood, taking three firm steps back, keeping a good distance between them. "Jordan?" Woody look haggard, that's all she could think as he stood to come closer to her. "Jordan please stay." He begged, "I promise I won't… just please stay." She could feel herself trembling inside, upset at the fact she had given him something to build on.

Look at what love had done to him before, what if she left? How could she handle hurting him, her best friend, she was in physical pain watching him go through what he was going through finding Annie. After all these years, after all those words unspoken how could she hurt him.

The truth of it infuriated her, she already had. She had dangled him at arms length for so many years that he had begun to date woman after woman in a vain attempt to fill the bottomless void he felt for her. She stood looking at the shell he had become.

"I'm sorry Woody I can't." she whispered, turning on her heel and running out the door before he could talk her out of it.

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Woody wasn't surprised when Annie had declined his first proposal, she had to think it over and he was willing to wait for her. But as the months went by he became more and more impatient and began to propose to her everyday becoming more and more creative. He always got the same answer.

"Woody, we barely know eachother." He would roll his eyes and kiss her on the cheek.

"We've known each other our whole lives, isn't that long enough?" but she insisted that they wait, until the opportune moment, when both had their lives on the right track.

Then one valentines day morning as he got ready for work. He spotted them, a small box of necco hearts sitting discarded on the kitchen table, he smiled to himself and stuffed them in his pocket.

Annie awoke to the smell of candy and roses, she opened her clover colored eyes to the stunning sight of roses everywhere, all around her light lit room. As she set her feet gingerly down on the hardwood floor she was stunned to see a small trail of Necco sweethearts leading her out of her room down the stairs and to a small note on the kitchen floor it read only

Marry me, please?

She smiled to herself and picked up the phone gently dialing the number to the sheriffs office, her father picked up the phone, she chatted with him for a moment before asking politely for Woody.

"Hey Diva, get my note?" he asked with a hopeful tone.

"Yes." Was all she said, she could almost see the look of confusion on is face.

"Yes you saw the note or your answer is yes." He asked skeptically

"Yes… to both." He didn't speak for a moment, she set the phone down gently with a smile.


	4. A Little Bit Forgiven

Ch 4: A little bit forgiven

Woody first noticed something wrong with Annie when she was 19, he remembered the day like yesterday. The painful memory still welled up inside of them and created a dull ache in his stomach. He could still hear the rushing of water and the screams that echoed through the house. He felt the same way when Jordan stormed out of his house, alone and helpless.

It was a weak feeling, he remembered it well.

"Annie? Annie?" the sound of raging water from the bathroom bounced off the walls. He could hear it pounding against his head. As he opened the door, the look of fright glued on her emerald colored doe eyes was etched in his mind permanently. The words scribbled on the bathroom mirror over and over with a sharpie.

Once there was a girl that disappeared. Once there was a girl that disappeared. Once there was a girl that disappeared.

He couldn't bring himself to move, from that spot in the doorway, though the tub and sink were overflowing with water. She sat in the middle of all the confusion, all the chaos around her, black ink all over her hands. Her clothes soaked through to the skin.

"Annie?" he asked "What happened?" she didn't say anything, just sobbed into her hands.

Slowly he made himself move, turning off the water and lifting her up into his arms and laying her on her bed.

Half an hour later she was in dry clothes eating chicken noodle soup her hair brushed back softly into a ponytail. She apologized, but never explained or elaborated, he never asked.

Now as he stood at her doorstep, in Boston, that night came rushing back in waves, and swallowed him whole. Jordan had left, he couldn't bring himself to chase after her, he was too tired, tired of chasing, tired of waiting.

He wanted to say he was sorry, for all the things that he said, or didn't say, he wanted to turn back the hands of time and make things right. But in the back of his mind he knew it wasn't possible, but he didn't want to believe it.

He was surprise at how little things had changed. Her house was filled with the same furniture, the same knick-knacks the same trophies she had won when she was on the high school swim team. He paused at pictures, looking at her smiling face that he knew masked her real self, her real fears, her real nightmares.

Kewaunee was a world away, as was the secrets he held, his brother held, Annie and Grace held, they all knew and no one did anything, that thought came ringing through his head.

No one did anything.

No one did anything when his mother died, no one did anything when his father came home from the bar drunk, no one did anything when he came to school with bruises on his face. No one did anything when Annie was sick no one did anything.

He stopped at a picture of him and Annie that she had hidden in a desk drawer, he looked happy and alive, something that he hadn't felt for a long time. He stopped in the middle of the room that crumpled picture hanging limply from his hand. For the first time in close to twenty years he allowed tears to run freely down his face, his hands trembling softly. He didn't know how long he stood there feeling weak and distant from the world around him, all he knew was when he left he felt a little freer and a little bit forgiven.

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For the next few weeks he let Jordan be, avoiding her at all costs, requesting Nigel or Bug for a case. But the father he got away from her, the less he felt anything. The old numbness coming back in rivers. He remembered everything when she was gone, every bruise, every person that had come, and then left, but with her near, he forgot, and that was the greatest gift she could ever give him.

Now he sat in his kitchen, looking around at what he had become. Dirty dishes in the sink, clothes piled in a corner, the mess he hadn't felt like cleaning up for weeks. He thought that this is what Annie must have felt like, each day, waking up to the same thing, feeling like she had wasted her life and now the opportunity had passed her by.

He tried to call Jordan, tell her he felt his world crumbling around him, that he was walking on scorched earth with nothing left to bring him home but her. But he couldn't do it, no matter how he tried. He couldn't bring himself to her, because he didn't deserve her.

He had always known that he didn't deserve her beauty or her talent, or her time. He had been told his entire life he wasn't deserving of anyone, not even a mother. After awhile he gave up, thought it true.

The Boston Skyline grew bright as the sky grew darker and the pale sunlight disappeared under the rim of the earth. He felt the night come on, slowly he walked into his bathroom, wanting for a moment to feel how Annie felt when she went over the edge of reality. He turned on the water and began to scribble.

Once upon a time, there was a boy that disappeared. Once upon a time there was a boy that disappeared.


	5. useless and disappointing

Ch 5: Useless and disappointing

Woody stared up at the tree that his Annie girl fell to her death from. It was unruly and tall, majestic and wild at the same time. A nagging thought cursed his stomach and gnawed at his thoughts. Had she fallen or did she kill herself? It was difficult with Annie's condition, her sickness. One minute she was fine but the next she would be off on a rampage, her anger often got the best of her. Louis Carver had questioned him, then Grace to see if she had any suicidal thoughts, he had said no, which wasn't exactly a lie, she had never voiced a wish to die. Although he did remember once, when they were young, she had asked him what he thought it would be like to die. It had been a rough night and he had come to school the next morning with a livid bruise on his face.

"Woody Hoyt look at that bruise." She had said with a firm shake of her head. He had always thought her wise beyond her years, even at eleven he could sense the beauty and intelligence that seemed to well up inside of her at the most opportune moments.

"Its nothing." He said obstinately, shaking her hand off his shoulder.

"That Daddy of yours is mean as a snake."

"Leave it alone Annie… there's nothing you can do."

She clucked her tongue and looked at him a little deeper. "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to die?" he looked at her like she had two heads. She smiled reassuringly and leaned onto his shoulder. "I mean if it's scary, if people really see a light… that kind of thing."

He sighed, giving in to her fairly odd question. "Peaceful, I guess." She seemed satisfied with that explanation, or at least she had then. Looking back now he saw the grief that entered her eyes, he hated to admit it but he saw the longing in her eyes.

He wished the trouble would go away, all of it, since the night before when he sat in his bathroom, listening to the sound of water rushing from the faucets and the squeaking of the sharpie as he wrote those lucid words over and over, he hadn't been able to find himself, he felt restless and weak.

For a moment he imagined Annie, falling from the tree, her shirt lifted slightly by the wind bellowing around her. Her arms outstretched, falling toward the ground at an alarming speed. How did she feel? Did she feel like the world was crumbling around her? Did she feel free? Peaceful? Was she scared? Did she scream? Did she make any noise at all? He wanted to think a little less of the pain he felt swallowing him. All the regrets that seemed useless and disappointing like his life.

Before he knew it he was driving….

He needed her, he needed her to hold him a little tighter, and he needed her to tell him it wasn't his fault that she had fallen from that tree, that him leaving didn't give her the incentive to plunge to her death. He needed her to tell him it would all be okay.

But now he couldn't tell her, he couldn't tell her that he loved her more than words could ever express. He couldn't tell her he understood her better than she did sometimes.

It was too late now, she was gone, her apartment was dark, the Pouge was locked, and the morgue was empty. So he did the only thing he could, he sat down, on the steps leading to her big read door, content to sit on the steps of her home rather than be with out her. Rain began to fall in sheets, damping the earth. He felt something release in him with the rain that came, something in him fell away, like a piece of his heart caved in.

She came up the steps, her boots clicking in time with her movement. She stopped short when she saw him sitting in the rain. The key to her house in one hand and a file was in the other. "Woody." She said in surprise. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He swallowed hard, giving himself time to think. He answered honestly, or as honestly as he could. "I had to see you." He watched as her shoulders slumped in defeat, looking at him in his drenched work suit, his hair plastered to his head.

"Well then you had better get inside, before you catch your death out here." She said with a sigh, the resignation clear in her voice. He stood silently and followed her inside.

"So get it over with." She muttered, handing him a towel and a beer.

"What?" he whispered innocently, his baby blue eyes, clear as the ocean, widened a little bit.

"You came to talk, so get over with it, what is it?" he fell into the nearest chair, resting his head in his hands.

"My mom used to tell me stories, she was from New York, so she was a big city girl and I loved to hear about buildings with a hundred stories… I loved how exciting it sounded… and when she died I felt like it could never happen; I would never belong there, in those hundred story buildings… My dad sure didn't tell me any different… but Annie, she was different, she told me that I could be different, I wasn't just the fat kid from Kewaunee that would work in the factory or grow up to do what his dad did before him.

"And now that she's gone… I feel like I abandoned her, you know, like I left her for that bigger life that she told me I was destined for… She was sick, Jordan, like your mom, got angry easy, she wanted to disappear…she wanted to disappear… just disappear." His voice trailed off as he looked up at her, stunned at his confession to her.

She was equally stunned, staring flatly at him, her lips parted slightly, her hands had fallen down to her sides, her eyes looked at him with soft understanding.

She wanted to tell him so much, her mistrust was on a whole different level, how she had misjudged him completely and she only wanted to hold him near her and tell him he did belong. "Woody." Was all she got out.

He could feel the space between them, hallow and unyielding. He stood, feeling heady and lonely. "I'm sorry Jordan." He apologized softly. "I know this is a lot to take on… I don't want to burden you with anything I just wanted to tell you that I do understand and I want to be here for you… I am here, just… just… talk to me please… please talk to me."

His pleading broke her heart, the crack in his voice, like he was at the gates of heaven begging for redemption. She sighed, "What do you want me to say." Her voice was soft and indulgent.

"just that you understand." Before he could add anything she was near him, holding him tight, as if he would vanish. He seemed so vulnerable, she couldn't stand to look at him, she just let him lean against her.

"I understand." She whispered


	6. Lost

Ch 6: Lost

Woody paced nervously as his brother pulled the truck around. Jordan had reluctantly followed him to Kewaunee for Annie's funeral, she wasn't sure why he needed to go, closure, absolution whatever the reason when he asked her to go she couldn't say no.

Cal pulled up the two-tone Chevy pick-up that had once belonged to his father. Woody threw their luggage into the back and climbed in followed by Jordan. The two brothers were silent, hardly saying a word to each other, that surprised Jordan, from what little she collected from Woody, he and Cal were close.

"So.." she stammered tensely "This is Wisconsin…"

Cal turned to her and smiled "Yep, the cheese state." Woody and Calvin's eyes met when they did Cal's smile turned stony.

They were silent the rest of the way, the only sound was the steady buzzing of the car engine and the hum of the music from the radio. Jordan was astonished at how green everything was, the cow pastures and the fields of wheat. The sky was a bright contrasting blue, and far off the green river smelled thick and muddy. Every so often a thick bellow of smoke would appear on the horizon from the factories that took up residence along the rivers.

Woody looked haggard, to say the least, his belt was tightened a few more notches and his shirt looked a little looser than normal, his face looked like he hadn't shaved in a day or two. His azure eyes stayed focused on the road ahead of him, he didn't look at his brother, and his brother didn't look at him. Jordan felt uncomfortable, she looked out the window, tried to sleep, but her thoughts kept wandering, this place was beautiful, how could Woody leave? What had happened to him that caused him to leave so abruptly, like a ghost in the night?

He caught her looking at him and gave a strained smile and an appreciative wink. Cal looked at Jordan too, but he didn't smile, just a quick glance before he turned back to the road.

When they pulled up onto Main Street she was amazed at how small Kewaunee was, with its one gas station and piggly wiggly. Children stood out front of the elementary school, men stood on street corners and women were watering their lawns. It seemed a sleepy, sunny day and everyone looked lazy and a little sad. The pace was set much different from Boston, slower, like molasses.

Woody ducked a little lower in his seat as they passed a corner of cackling old ladies that stopped and pointed. A few people stopped and stared.

"Why do you put yourself through this?" Cal asked flatly, it was the first time he had spoken to Woody since they left the airport in Bay City. Woody said nothing, just kept looking forward. When they pulled up to the cemetery a wealth of people stood near a grave, some sobbing, some silent, others stood stony faced and cold looking. All stopped to stare as Woody came striding up, Jordan to his left Cal to his right.

Jordan laid a hand on his arm discreetly to let him know she was there. A woman she guessed was Annie's mother sat in front her eyes watery with tears, her hair was the same auburn only hers had gray streaks, giving it a silvery tint. Her face was soft with wrinkles. Woody came up to her, standing nervously, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Mrs. Cody, I'm very sorry about Annie…" she had stood and in one swift movement slapped him across the face. The surprise of the strike almost bowled Woody over. The woman looked at him with scorn, Jordan stood back, not sure of what to do.

"How dare you come here…" she seethed, "She loved you and you just left her!" her voice rose, people looked uncomfortable and uneasy watching the spectacle with amusement and empathy. "Where were you huh? Where were you when she needed you!"

Woody looked enraged all of a sudden, a look entered his eye Jordan had never seen before. "Where was I? Where were you huh? Where were any of you when my Mother died? Where were you when I came to school with bruises on my face? Where were you when Annie got sick? When she swallowed all those sleeping pills. All of you talk about how I was wrong to leave… what about Brandon, he left, all of you think I couldn't hold a candle to him." Everyone's eyes lowered in shame, at the confessions Woody knew were bubbling within him for the past five years. He stumbled back for a moment, to look at everyone's face.

He looked at Jordan and his breathing slowed, she seemed to calm him, slowly he turned to the casket and looked down at it, it was open, Annie looked pale and cool, her make-up done up and her eyes closed peacefully. He knelt down softly, ignoring the people gathering around him curiously.

He brushed a long strand of hair out of her face. "Looks like she finally found her peace." He whispered, looking down at her with his own longing. Before anyone could say anything else he had turned and walked away.

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Woody stood on the porch of the house of his youth, it was worn, the paint was chipped, a shutter was falling off of a window and weeds had over grown the garden. Far off Jordan could see the wide expanse of the mirror like river, snaking its way through the valley. Slowly Woody pulled each board down from the doors and windows, light seemed to flood the inside like blood rushing from a wound.

Woody had to hold his breath when he crossed the threshold, dust hung in the air, on the furniture and tabletops. Jordan said nothing, just hung next to him quietly. Cal opened the windows and began to clean up, putting groceries away. Woody could feel the old pain come up inside of him. Memories came in a rush, some good, most bad. As he wandered through the kitchen, then the living room, up the stairs to the hallway. He paused to wipe the dust off his parents wedding picture, how young and alive they looked, so full of promise and dignity, who knew they'd end up like they did. His fingers paused on his mothers face, how he wished he could remember her smile, her voice, if he could have one memory back, it would be that. Before he could think he had smashed the frame against the hall table, hard. The glass shattered into a million pieces. He was surprised where the ripples of the cracks lay, over his fathers face. How he hated him, sometimes he felt that anger come up for no reason.

An anger at a man he barely knew, a man he knew as a bully and a drunk, a man he wished he could have remembered better. Jordan and Cal both came bounding up a mixture of confusion and fear on their face. Both looked sorrowful and sympathetic when they saw him standing there looking lost and alone.

"Woody… are you okay… you cut yourself." Woody noticed for the first time the crimson dripping from his hands onto the tan carpet.

He turned and went into the bathroom slamming the door behind him. Leaving Cal and Jordan alone in the hallway. Jordan was silent as Cal began cleaning up the glass. When he reemerged he regarded her silently. "He wasn't always like this you know." He whispered.

"What?" Jordan asked, still a little startled at Woody's show of anger.

"He used to be a happy kid you should have seen him… Then, something happened, our dad wasn't the happiest person, not all his dreams came true and he thought that when he came home drunk that he should be coming home to a clean house, dinner, two kids with there homework done… he thought Woody could do it all, and he couldn't. And Woody bore it all, you know, he tried hard, but it never happened, he never was good enough… and Dad made sure he was punished… once he was knocked down the stairs another time Dad handcuffed him to the mailbox… it was always different… I never felt the brunt of Dads anger, Woody was the only thing standing in-between me and his fist for years… he took care of me… its what he always does, he takes care of people."


	7. Fireflies

Ch 7: Fireflies

Woody watched the firefly dance in the inky night, they're glowing bodies swirling around each other. Sitting on the porch, the steps worn from weather and time. The window behind him was lit up, looking warm and bright, he could see Jordan watching TV on the couch, Cal was in the kitchen, washing up the plates from dinner, no one spoke of his outburst at the funeral nor the broken picture frame in the trash.

He looked back at the darkness looming before him like his future, dark and full of mystery. It was cold outside, but he was numb to the freezing wind. The smell of the river was nauseating to him. He couldn't shake the look of Annie in her coffin, her head resting peacefully on the pillow as if she had just fallen asleep. If he had one prayer it would be to bring her back, make her like she used to be, bright and happy, how he saw her, it the morning light. He remembered the night he left, they had been engaged less than two weeks, Annie had been asleep on the couch, after watching some sappy Meg Ryan movie, he had been working and come home late.

He untied his tie and kicked off his shoes, shut his gun up in a drawer and heated up his dinner, when a hard knock came up on the screen door, for he had left the thick mahogany door open to allow in the soft warm summer breeze. "Hoyt." A familiar voice called out, Woody rolled his eyes and joined the stout sheriff on the porch.

"Sheriff Cody," he said respectfully, looking at him warily.

"I don't want you marrying Annie." He muttered shortly.

"Sir?" Woody asked with a confused voice.

"My girl isn't going to marry a cop… I've given a lot of thought to this and I have decided I won't allow her to go through the pain that my sister went through when her husband was shot…"

"With all due respect sir… Annie said yes… its her decision, not yours."

"I heard that you applied for a transfer and should be moving to Boston here pretty soon." He stated pointedly, raising his eyebrows. "Are you planning on taking her with you."

"This is what this is about…isn't it… Listen sir." Woody started in an angry voice.

"you love my daughter Hoyt."

"Yes Sir." Woody said with simple conviction.

"Then be careful with her, because she goes with you and I will never speak to her again."

"Sheriff, she's your daughter, how could you keep her from what will keep her happy…"

"She's my daughter yes… and she belongs in Wisconsin… her life is here, consider this a warning, if you love her you'd let her go." With that the sheriff turned and left on his heel, leaving Woody on the porch.

After what seemed an eternity Woody came back inside, she was still snoring softly on the couch. Slowly he packed his bags… two suitcases and a box of his most prized possessions. After he was done, he set his things in his car and came back inside. He knelt beside her, much like he had done when he had seen her ashen skin at the funeral.

"Goodnight Annie." He whispered, kissing her on the cheek. She stirred a little and her eyes opened a slit. "Shh go back to sleep." He soothed, smoothing back her hair a little, she smiled softly and closed her eyes again, and she was off dreaming somewhere.

With that, he was gone.

Woody sighed, when he heard footsteps behind him, knowing it was Jordan. "Hi." He said with out looking behind him.

"You say that like you know its me." She said with a tingly laugh.

"But it is you." He added, taking in what she was wearing, boy's plaid sweats and a black tanktop her hair pulled back into a slick ponytail. She sat next to him, so close he could smell her shampoo.

"How are you Woody?" she asked concerned. He shrugged, plastering on a happy smile.

"As well as can be expected."

She smiled "That's good." He could feel a familiar awkwardness come inside him, like an old friend, she did this to him, made him feel like a twelve year old with the first girl he ever liked. He could tell she felt the same from the blush that aroused on her cheeks.

"You know…" she said all seriousness "My mom used to tell me stories… you know Cinderella and the like." He smiled and encouraged her to go on. "And I thought to myself, I would love to have my knight and shining armor come and rescue me… after she was murdered I knew I didn't believe in happy endings, they didn't exsist… I had a sad story… and then I met you and I thought you were too perfect for me, to good, you already had your happy ending… then I learned about you mom and your dad and maybe everyone had that bad start, but its up to them to make their own happy ending…" she swallowed hard. "I think I've held you at arms length long enough, I've pushed, I've disappointed… but if you want, we can make our own happy ending, what do you say." Before she could get out another word he had leaned in kissing her softly on the lips, his hands tangling her hair. When they both surfaced for air, they were smiling, like they had never smiled before.

With that she got up and walked back inside. "See yah later Hoyt." She said with a wink.

"See yah later? Where you going?" he asked playfully.

"Inside where I can catch my breath see yah tomorrow." He smiled and watched as the screen door shut behind her.

He stayed outside for a long time listening to the crickets chirp and the wind whistle. Finally with a smile he stood and walked inside.


	8. Bring me back to you

Ch 8:

Woody awoke to the sound of a car barreling up the driveway. He rolled out of bed and lurched up, looking out the window and staring in mute surprise at the person walking nervously up the pathway to the wrap around porch. Pulling a shirt over his head as he fumbled down the stairs. He opened the door and looked at Grace as she stood apprehensively in front of him. The light was just beginning to peer over the darkness of the night, turning the sky pink.

"Grace?" he said in surprise, "What are you doing here?" she swallowed hard and brushed a stubborn bit of hair from her face.

"I was thinking…" she stammered, "About what you said at the funeral…" she looked deeply into his eyes for a moment, her emerald eyes so much like her younger sisters seemed to be searching his for any bit of forgiveness he had. "Can I come in… please?" she said finally, he said nothing just moved out of the doorway and let her pass silently.

"I was thinking about what you said, at the funeral, and you were right… we all just watched and pretended that it wasn't real… she was sick… we all pretended that her swallowing all those pills was an accident… we all know it wasn't… we told ourselves so many lies we can't keep track anymore… then with you." A lone, large tear fell down her face. "We stood there, knowing what your father was doing to you… and we did nothing… we just watched hoping it would end on its own… but now we know men like him don't stop, do they?"

Woody had a hardened look on his face, he looked down into his coffee. "No they don't." he said lastly with a shuttering sigh.

"You never complained…" she stammered as more tears poured down her face.

Gently he wiped away a onslaught of tears that had come on suddenly from her face. "I never had any place too, besides its over… Dad was shot by that punk, Annie died from a fall from a tree… Mom died of cancer, the rest of us have nothing else to do but survive… and hope we find our happy ending." He echoed Jordan's words with a feeling of pride, a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time.

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Woody was back in Boston by the next afternoon, after a strained goodbye to his hometown and his brother, he boarded the plane with Jordan by his side and a new outlook on life. But something in the pit of his stomach unsettling and undefined. He still had to know, what it was that happened, he wanted to know if she was going through her moods or if she simply fell.

He had to know. But one sickening thought raced through his mind like rain.

Could he handle the truth?

And know he began to rummage through her house, all the way down to the bathroom garbage can… he found a clue.

A pregnancy test.

He made a sound that resembled that of an animal struck by a truck. He felt all the blood rush to his head.

"I can NEVER have a child Woody… never." She had once said to him with conviction.

"Why not?" he asked indignantly, looking in her eyes that looked almost hysterical "Why don't you want kids?"

"You know how I get, what if I get angry Woody… I broke a cutting board in half… what kind of a person does that? What if I loose my temper…what if?"

"Ann, calm down, your not going to kill our hypothetical children, Okay… as for the cutting board it can be cleaned up, see, Its already looking better." He had teased picking up the board that had fallen on the floor, onions scattered over the tile floor. She had seemed relieved at his soothing, but he saw the scared look in his eye.

As he crawled into the bedroom, he searched for the one thing that he was sure would tell him the answers he needed. Her dream journal.

Once she had told him that to know her was to read her dream journal she had kept since she was a little girl. She once had a dream that a thousand butterflies had landed all over her body. Once, she had a dream that her skin turned inside out and another where she was a famous author but had only spoken one sentence ever, but when she said it everything that was ever needed to be said was summed up. He could still remember the sentence. _I wished on a fallen star. _He found it in a drawer by her bed, still neat and tidy.

He opened it to the last entry September 16th 2005, only a week before her death.

_I had a dream that I was standing in a field with one tree… I climbed the tree… and as I got higher, I felt better, when I reached the top I saw my life laying before me and I knew I had turned everything upside down… I had come to a foreign place in search of an old love… and lost miserably, for he loved someone else… and I had seen a dream that had fallen away, it left with my sanity and reasoning. So for whatever reason I had, I leaned back and my world tilted and I fell back down towards the ground staring up at the beautiful sky. And everything was ok._

Woody shut the book… he could see her at the top of that tree, he captured her falling toward the ground and kept her there, in a freeze frame, a cinematic measure that would never allow her to touch the ground. He had wished on a fallen star, and found his answer, there was no puzzle left to solve, no riddle left, he was a detective with no more clues and the answer he hadn't wanted.

Annie had killed herself.


	9. Hidden dreams

Ch 9:

Woody felt himself at a loss now, no more clues to follow, not even a breadcrumb. She had fallen out of the tree, there was no denying that, but she had killed herself a long time before that.

_Woody, you ever wonder what it would be like to die? _

Her voice stung his thoughts; he felt a cold, icy feeling run into the pit of his stomach. He sat on the floor he had no idea how long he sat there, in shocked silence. Finally, like awaking from a dream, he stood, pocketed the book and walked out. The sun was just rising over the darkness, sending gray light up into the shadowy night. He looked down at his clock, surprised at how early in the morning it was, almost five a.m. He couldn't think of anything else to do.

So he went to the supermarket. The supermarket was a funny place at five a.m. a slew of different people from all over the city seemed to pass by, not noticing each other. A woman in a cocktail dress was buying cigarette's men getting off of a late night job was buying beer, bread and cheese. Another man, Woody noticed in ragged clothes and a dirty face was walking slowly down each isle putting luxury items into his cart, smoked oysters and artichoke hearts. Woody knew the man was homeless, he wanted very much to give him some money, hell, he wanted to buy him the entire cart of food, but somehow, he thought that would spoil that mans fantasy, of being just another customer, he left him in the condiment isle comparing two different kinds of salad dressings.

Woody bought what he needed, Tomato sauce, breadcrumbs, parsley and oregano. Everything else he had at home. Returning home with his purchases he chopped and boiled until the smell of spaghetti sauce filled his tiny apartment. He settled down on the couch, feeling the heaviness of the book in his pocket for the first time. He lifted it out and set it on the coffee table in front of him. Images crossed his mind, like grainy home movies and freeze frames. A great heaviness seemed to lift off him.

He would never forget her, all the things she was, and could have been. He remembered she loved French toast, horseback riding and dancing. She loved the rain and salt on her cantaloupe, her favorite color was green, the same color as her eyes. They had inside jokes and car rides through the country. He also knew she was sick; she never thought she was good enough because she was never told she was.

He had to wonder what it was like for her, to have that weight on her shoulders everyday. To walk through the world seeing that everyone else had problems but they seemed to bare it better, they didn't have the hollow sound in their voice, and they didn't get angered and break a cutting board. Then it all of a sudden seemed too much, it was over, so she went to sleep, not sure of what to do. When she woke up, she had a smile on her face. She had a dream, and it made her feel the peace and freedom she had been longing for.

But she goes on, day-by-day, slow, time was a wound in her heart that bled and wouldn't stop, and finally, after a week, she felt the emptiness like lead inside her. So she climbed the tree. Knowing Annie, Woody guess that she probably went up there and thought she would be coming back down, with her faith in impulse it was at that last second when she looked down she saw her life, a tangled mess under her. So she smiled, looking up at the cloudless sky. And time stopped… at that second, that heaviness lifted and she was living in the past, and tumbling towards her future. That's where he left her, once again with that freeze frame, that cinematic measure that kept her from ever hitting the ground. Her hair, long and unruly, falling upwards around her face, her blouse bellowing outwards by the wind. And she felt peace.

Woody struggled to read her words, in her soft, feminine handwriting. Woody knew that he would be okay, sure he loved Annie, he would always love her, but he could love Jordan too and did. It would be a slow process, with all of her "issues" but he could wait, he was good at that, and she was worth it.

He went out onto his roof, for perspective, to see what he could see. The night was unseasonably warm. Slowly he stepped out onto the railing, as Annie had once done. Feeling the world spin. He saw the street beneath him and for an instance he wanted to feel the rush of wind as he fell towards the ground. But the feeling left as soon as it came.

He stepped down, and smiled, he had to be at work in a few hours, and he had to see Jordan.

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Jordan came over for dinner; they had struck a uneasiness since their kiss on the porch. She was becoming a little spooked; he could see it in her eyes, the restlessness. He found himself doing most of the talking, he chatted about work, about the latest case they were working on, the new gadget Nigel had gotten for Christmas. Finally, after dinner they sat on the couch, looking at each other uncomfortably, When Jordan backed away from him when he wrapped his arm around her.

"Ok out with it." He said, turning to face her, she looked confused.

"What are you talking about?" she tried to cover, but a flush crept over her face.

"Come on Jordan." He warned, she saw how the dark circles on his eyes had appeared, and how thin he had become, she sighed and gave in.

"Woody, can you love me and her at the same time?" she felt as if the ton of bricks that had been residing on her shoulders since they had left Kewaunee had been lifted.

He looked stunned for a minute and then sighed. "So this is what this is about?" he said with a small chuckle. She nodded and looked at him worriedly, his face turned suddenly serious. "Jordan, I love her for all she was… I love you for all you are." With that he leaned down, lightly brushing his lips against hers. "Jordan Elizabeth Cavanaugh, your favorite color is pink, you like brown sugar on your rice, your mother was murdered when you were ten, you love the rolling stones and the indigo girls… you chipped your tooth when you were in the first grade, you laughed when you got your first kiss…" this time it was her to lean up and kiss him, silencing him quick.

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When Woody woke up he was smiling, climbing out of bed, he fumbled around for the small book in which Annie kept her dreams, hidden from the rest of the world. Slowly he turned to the first available blank page in it he wrote the last entry. His handwriting a stark contrast to Annie's

_Nov. 3rd 2005_

_I had a dream… I was standing with a brunette and a red head on either side. The brunette walked up to me, gracefully, and lead me home. The red head smiled, and waved goodbye… and there I was in the middle. Then the dream shifted and I was standing in the morgue, looking down at the red heads body. Then I saw the coroner, it was Devan, with her blond hair, and blue eyes. She was standing next to me, a smile on her face. Then I whisper, "She was quite a girl." I wasn't sure if I was talking to myself or not. She nodded and whispered admiringly without a hint of sarcasm "Yes she was." _

_The End_

Woody with that slipped the book into a drawer, one day he would open it again, but it wouldn't be for a long time, he knew that much. He would keep his knowledge a secret to everyone, no one else had to know, her death was ruled a accident and that's what it was a tragic accident. Maybe keeping his secret was a gift he could give them both.

With that he turned and left, returning to bed, where Jordan slept soundly. She rustled a bit and smiled at him. "What were you doing?" she asked her eyes and hair mussed with sleep."

"Nothing Honey, just saying some unspoken words."

_**The End.** _


End file.
